Sep 21

Huckabee just won’t go away


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, WTF is wrong with people?.

Mike Huckabee apparently is the “favorite among religious conservatives” for another presidential run in 2012.  Seriously?  Why won’t this man go away already?  Have we not figured out that the last thing we need in this country is a religious zealot of any kind at the helm?  And why don’t we just try and tell all those Jeebus-freaks that he already was President?  We can then show them some episodes of Season 4′s 24 and pass it off as a documentary:

Me: “See, Huckabee has already been president!  Watch this documentary proving it.”

Wacko: “But I know I would have remembered this”

Me: “I think you were on a secret mission from God during that time, and He erased all memory of it”

Wacko: “ohhhh….” [puzzled look]

Which is which? YOU DON'T KNOW!

Which is which? YOU DON'T KNOW!

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Sep 21

I’m so fly…


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General.

I bought my first-ever pair of button-fly pants this weekend. How exactly it is that I made it through the late 80′s and the 90′s without ever owning a pair, I have no idea. I am also oddly nervous about this. What happens if I take too long at the urinal, fumbling around with my fly while the person next to me wonders exactly what the hell it is I am doing, and if they shouldn’t leave immediately?

Two posts in a row that mention urinals. Maybe I have some kind of unhealthy obsession with them? Do I mention the 5 or 6 inch long pubic hair that I saw on one last week that is still haunting me? Ooops, looks like I just did. Maybe more on that later…

ergo-painter-pants-zipper

!!!

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Sep 09

Who designs public bathrooms?


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, Rants, WTF is wrong with people?.

…or at least, MEN’s public bathrooms?  The only answer that makes any sense to me is “a woman”.  Or maybe one of those creepy dudes who likes to talk to you while you are in the bathroom.  I say this because the urinal layout is always not very well thought out, to the point where men seem to be invited to violate one of the basic “man laws”.

Case in point: the bathroom at my office.  We occupy a fairly large space, and therefore have a bathroom that is fairly generous in size: three urinals and two stalls.  My beef is with the urinals in particular.  They are lined up against one wall, two that are normal height, and one that is a “shorty”, the latter I guess being for the children that we hire to slave away in one of our many sweatshops. (Note: a joke, in case any of our HR people are reading this)  The shorty is positioned at the left end of the wall, followed by the two normal ones.  Most of the time, this is not an issue, since rarely is there more than one person using them at a time.  But when there happens to be that occasion when there are two, the second person is put in a predicament: a) take the regular height one, breaking the man law that you always keep at least one urinal between you and your neighbor or b) take the shorty and risk making a mess, or feeling ridiculous for using what can be described as the “kiddie table” of the bathroom world.  Sadly, the only real option here is choice “b”, since choice “a” is only allowed in very few situations, most notably concerts and sports venues.

Why is the shorty not positioned in the middle?  If I were designing bathrooms, this would be a no-brainer.  Yet I have seen this layout more often than not in countless bathrooms everywhere. If I ruled the world…

For those creepy guys mentioned earlier, do us all a favor and read up on men’s bathroom etiquitte (note #11 in particular).

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Sep 07

I was better off being ignorant


Posted: under General, Rants, WTF is wrong with people?.

Sometimes, I wonder, if in this “age of information”, if we were better off back in the good old days of being in the dark about relatively everything.  One of those times was this week, when I read a story that originally broke on the internet regarding the treatment of baby male chicks by chicken “farms”.

Apparently, there is little need for males in the poultry industry.  This somewhat makes sense, but the way that this problem is handled by the modern egg-producing industry mortified me.  Baby male chicks are “sorted, discarded, and handled like mere cogs in a machine “.  And when they say “discarded”, they mean the animals are thrown alive into a grinding machine, where they are torn to pieces.

Sadly, these little chicks might be better off than their female counterparts, who are spared the death-machine, but instead get to live a miserable life of what amounts to essentially torture.

This article, which can be read here, stuck with me all week long.  I just can’t seem to shake it off like I can with the myriad of other horrible news stories I read every week.  It really has me wondering if it might be time to jump on the vegan train.  But I know I am only kidding myself.  I am not even sure I could adopt a vegetarian lifestyle, much less a vegan one.  I like the taste of animals, cheese and eggs way too much.  Raising my own animals isn’t an option, and even if it was, I’d end up making them all pets – there’s no way I could kill them myself.  I’m too much of an animal softie.

This heartless quote is probably the single biggest thing that made this story poke at me all week:

“There is, unfortunately, no way to breed eggs that only produce female hens.  If someone has a need for 200 million male chicks, we’re happy to provide them to anyone who wants them. But we can find no market, no need.”

So it’s OK to throw them alive into what is essentially a shredder?  If they have to die, isn’t there some better way we can do this?  A gas chamber, maybe?

For me, the question is, what do I personally do from here?  Not sure, but I am going to mull it over while munching a chicken sandwich.

Baby chicks at the largest egg hatchery

Baby chicks at the largest egg hatchery

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Aug 16

Why has it taken me 34 years to do this?


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, NHRA, Praise, family.
Tags: , ,

I’m sure that people who follow me on Twitter and Facebook already are well aware of this, but I’m posting it here ’cause I want to remember my feelings later on when I ego search myself and read my old posts.  (BTW, for those that are reading this on Facebook, do me a favor and click here to read the rest of this – my blog looks better and has pretty pictures you can look at..  :) )

Anyway, today, after 34 years of being an auto racing fan, following everything from F1 to WRC, I attended my first NHRA drag racing event.  Lori was away for the weekend, and the Lucas Oil Nationals were being held in Brainerd, MN, only a 2 hour drive from here.  As an added bonus, Lori got me tickets through her job, so the only thing I had to spend on it was gas money.  For about 30 bucks, this was a no-brainer for me.

I have been saying for years that I needed to get over to one of these, but never went, even when I had a venue in my backyard in NH.  And I am SO glad I did.  It’s hard to put into words what being at the event is like.  Tuning in on TV doesn’t do it any justice.  That is mostly true for any racing venue, but this is extra-true for NHRA.

I got to the track early, since Lori’s tickets included a pit pass and VIP tickets to the Fram/U.S. Army tent, and I wanted to soak it all in before actually watching some racing.  A few random thoughts and observations from the day:

  • NHRA does a GREAT job giving the fans the opportunity to really get full-access to the total experience.  I stepped onto pit road and was immediately surprised to see that spectators are allowed to go just about anywhere.  From watching the crews work on the cars, to the listening to the roar of engine-testing right up close, to the drivers and crew wandering the pits and signing autographs, there is virtually nothing that you aren’t allowed to see or do.
  • The wrench-head in me loves a good, loud, horsepower-laden motor.  A few feet into the pits, a crew fired one up and started revving it.  I am not going to lie when I say that it was so loud it scared the beejesus out of me.  There’s loud, then there’s 8000 horsepower loud.  Like nothing I have ever heard before, and probably never ever will again.  It’s pretty scary, and this was only a little “vroom-vroom”.  Little did I know at the time, this was nothing compared to what the on-track experience is like.
  • A tip for anyone that ever goes to a race: when wandering the pit lane, if you see a bunch of crew members start up an engine, then don full-face gas masks, don’t stand anywhere near the exhaust.  These cars burn nitrous for fuel, and when it comes out the pipes, it’s a little, um, caustic.  I quickly realized that I couldn’t breathe due to the intense burning in my mouth, nose, and throat.  Trying to quickly leave an area is pretty difficult too when your eyes are burning and watering so bad you cannot see.  Oddly enough, I was more excited about this than I should have been.  When I’m 85, and I wonder why I am not going to live to see 86, I will look back to this day and wonder.
  • It has been super-dry in Minnesota this summer, with only a couple of inches of rain in like 3 months.  Of course, since I decided to do something today where rain cripples all activities, it poured all morning.  This was the perfect time to check out the VIP tent, I figured.  Once in the tent, I was pleasantly surprised to see that on either side I was flanked by two actual racecars, to the right was Cory Mac’s Top Fuel dragster, to the left was 6-time world champ (1999,2004,2005,2006,2007,2008) Tony Schmacher’s.  Topping it off, the crews were assembling a bunch of parts on them, and I was allowed to watch from about 4 feet away.  I was channeling Tim Allen in my head with the man-grunts.
  • At 11, it was clear they were not going to start the racing anytime soon.  So, they brought out the two drivers to talk to the small crowd of about 20 people that had VIP tickets.  We all got to ask them questions, shoot the bull, etc.  Unfettered access to world-class drivers is truly the best medicine for a rain delay.  And as everyone who has talked to any driver from any racing class knows, they really are the best story-tellers.  I mean, who else can tell you “this one time when I flipped my dragster at 330MPH, I got hit by the other car, breaking my car into 20 pieces, broke both my legs, then got into the helicopter, which came 10 feet from crashing into power lines when we took off…” and then laugh their asses off?
  • Come 12PM, it was time for lunch.  The menu?  Filet Mignon with all the fixins.  And I mean *good* filet, not that rubbery crap you’d expect.  And to top it all off, Tony Schumacher himself joined our table for lunch.  Everyone gets to talk to him, ask more questions, whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t involve autograph requests or pictures.  I asked about the first time he drove an 8000 HP car at 330+.  He basically said he was “scared shitless”.  This was another in a line of awesome, awe-inspiring things I got to see today.  Not every day you get to lunch with the guy who has won 6 world championships in the past ten years, and on track to win the 7th.
  • Finally, belly full, my PGA fix satisfied (there were two 60 inch plasmas broadcasting the Hazeltine event in the tent), it was time to race.  I was somewhat disappointed in the seating.  We were about 50 yards or so from the start line.  I thought, based on everything else I saw, we’d be truly trackside.  After I saw the first top-fuel run, I saw that I was PLENTY close.  And even thought we were maybe too close.
  • I’ll try to explain an entire run.  First, the cars fire up (they are pushed/pulled to the line powerless).  That is loud.  Then they drive over some water sprayed down to get the tires wet for the burnout.  Then they go about half throttle and “burn” the tires to get them nice and hot and sticky for the run.  That is extremely loud, prompting me to reach for the free earplugs (something I have never used at a racing event).  It hurt my eardrums – literally.  They then back up and “stage”, meaning they pull up as close to the line as possible.  Then the really good stuff happens.  To call the launch off the starting line “explosive” is not doing it any justice whatsoever.  I read somewhere the description of a top fuel run as “feeling as though the entire drag strip is being bombed”.  That’s probably the best description.  There is lots of fire, a shit-ton of noise (120DB, louder than a Boeing 747 jet airliner at take-off power), and the cars leave the line so fast they are quite literally a vibrating blur.  It’s almost surreal.  The aluminum stands vibrate like an earthquake, your insides vibrate, and your eyeballs struggle to focus on what you are seeing – 16,000+ horsepower being unleashed all at once.  And then, in under 4 seconds, it’s all over.  The adrenaline rush is just insane.  You cannot wait for the next pair to start it all over again.
  • I wondered why no one was trying to take pictures after I picked my jaw up from under the stands.  I pulled out my fancy new camera, figuring I could get a shot or two of them launching off the start.  Talk about your exercise in futility.  Every shot I got was too early or too late.  My reaction time was no match for these guys.

All in all, this was an eye-opening experience that I am so glad to have been a part of.  I highly encourage anyone who has the opportunity to go and check it out. Even if you are not a fan of racing, it’s just something that you need to do at least once.  I have boatloads more respect to every one of those drivers who I used to laugh at for “just driving in a straight line”.  To my New England friends, get a ticket to the Epping Dragway the next time these guys come around.  Send me the bill if you are disappointed.

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Aug 09

When exactly did I get old?


Posted: under Fun Stuff, PGA.
Tags: , ,

So I’m sitting here on a Sunday, completely enthralled at watching the PGA event at Firestone.  Lately I have really been getting into golf, watching and following all the events.  I’ve even bought a ticket to go to the PGA Championship next week at Hazeltine, a golf course about 35 miles from me.  I cannot wait to go.

I wonder when exactly the point was when I got old enough that enjoy this sport so much?  I used to make fun of people who watched and followed the PGA.  Watching golf was something that I never understood – I thought it was boring, slow-paced, and annoying.  Now, I can’t get enough.  Go figure.

Couple that with my new habit of waking up at 4:45AM, going for a long walk with the dog, and getting to work at 6:30.  There was a time when 4:45 was a time I was finishing the last beer of the night and going to bed. No one, including myself, could have predicted this behavior.

And I kind of enjoy it…

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Jul 21

Tech Tip: Open Links in New Tab in Safari (Mac OSX)


Posted: under Mac, OSX, Safari, Tech Tips.

This may not be the greatest read for the people who frequent this blog (or at least those that used to), but I feel the need to put some of these things I am learning out there so that maybe they can help others like me who become frustrated with technology sometimes.

I recently became a fan of the Safari web browser.  Since the last time I tried it, it has gotten a lot faster and more handy.  After playing with it for a few weeks, one thing annoyed the hell out of me: every time I clicked on a link on my iGoogle (and other) pages, the link would open in a new window, making it impossible to manage my browsing history.  I Googled around a bit, and found that there is a workaround for this.  And it’s pretty easy:

1) Close Safari

2) In Finder, go to Applications->Utilities and open Terminal.

3) When the command prompt opens, copy and paste this line in: defaults write com.apple.Safari TargetedClicksCreateTabs -bool true

4) Hit return

Now you should be able to click on any link that would normally open in a new window and it will open in a new tab.  And yes, I know there are several ways to force links to open in a new tab without having to do this, such as holding down command when clicking, but when you are used to the above behavior in Firefox, it’s frustrating to try and remember it every time.

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Jul 21

‘Cause It Wouldn’t Be the Midwest without the Threat of Destruction


Posted: under General, Rants, weather.
Tags: , , , ,

It hasn’t rained in for-freaking-ever here in Minnesota.  As in, every piece of vegetation around these parts not tended to on the daily is brown, crunchy, dead, or all of the above.  As in, we are almost 8 inches shy of normal precipitation this year already.  And we were way off the year before that.  2007 was only our first summer here, but that one was extremely dry as well.  And never mind all the talk about snowy Minnesota.  We’ve suffered through 2 winters so far without a decent snowfall.  I didn’t even know it was possible to have a dry winter.

When I woke up this morning to take the dog for our walk, I was baffled when upon opening the garage door, I saw that it was pouring rain outside.  It literally took me a moment to figure out what was going on, and how I should deal with it.  My inner dialogue went something like this:

Me: “What is this wet stuff?”

Me2: “You remember that – its rain, stupid.”

Me: “Rain, eh?  Can we still walk in it?”

Me2: “Not unless you want the entire house to smell like wet dog when you get home from work”

Me: “I’m confused now.  I don’t know what to do!”

Or something like that, anyway.  I didn’t have a stenographer, and it was early.  Of course, that rain lasted all of about 2 hours, then the sun came out, diligent as ever, evaporating the bone Mother Nature threw us.

Fast forward to this afternoon, riding home on the bus.  The closer we got to the Northwestern ‘burbs, the blacker the sky.  By the time I got in my car at the Park N’ Ride, I had three severe weather & tornado warnings on my phone, the wind had picked up so much it stole my sunglasses off the seat of the car as I was driving.  By the time I got home, the rain had started – a straight deluge, followed by more insane, tree-ripping-out-of-the-ground wind and some light hail.  Yessiree, you have to hand it to the Midwest, it does weather a bit on the crazy side.  Like an alcoholic or drug addict, it can’t ever do something on a small scale.  It’s either all or nothing.

YouTube Preview Image

Side note: Wow, I bitch a lot about the weather.  San Diego is becoming more affordable every day, and is looking better and better every day.  I don’t think even I could bitch about 70 and sunny 7 days a week.  Meh, I bet I could.

Frustrating Update: it appears as if my blog is angry at me for long neglecting it for the fast-living, crazy world of Twitter (feel free to follow me!) and Facebook, and the video above isn’t working in some browsers.  You can see it over here at YouTube if you’re so inclined to do such things.

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May 20

Minnesota Confuses Me


Posted: under General, Rants.
Tags: ,

It’s nearly 95 here today, with winds gusting to at least 40 MPH.  Wondering how hot it would be if it were calm…

Yesterday, at one place in the state, it was over 100 degrees, while in another, it was 34.  How did a huge crack not just form down the middle?

It snowed last weekend, and now we are stiflingly hot, 3 days later.  An ice cube would last about 30 seconds out here.

Oh, and it’s tornado season!

This state is messed up.

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Apr 09

Thanks, Rainn!


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, Praise, Rants.
Tags: , ,

I have been kicked squarely in the balls.  And it is forcing me to rethink this blog and my lack of involvement in it.

Let me explain a little.  Those that read this blog regularly (thanks Mom!) may or may not know that I am on Twitter, a kind of mini-blogging social network app that allows you to blurt out random crap via your mobile phone, computer, typewriter, fax, and morse code.   (Ok, maybe not that last one, but I’m sticking with at least the first two).  People who “follow” you can read whatever you decide to write.  If you’re funny/interesting enough, you gain followers like the Pied Piper.  If you are boring enough, they will stop following you shortly after they start following.   I usually fall somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

Celebrities, on the other hand, get hundreds of thousands of dedicated followers. Most of us follow like sheep, just loving the fact that we get to peer ever so slightly into their personal life.  The results are sometimes disappointing when we find out that they are just as boring as us, but with more money.  

Today, I had had enough of Rainn Wilson (“Dwight” from The Office)’s repeated re-tweets and constant product pitches, and told him so by Tweeting

“@rainnwilson I’m sorry, but we need to break up. I don’t follow celebtwits for RT’s and product endorsements all day. GL in The Office, tho!

The response from Rainn:

“Check out Rays blog! RT @raychampagne Im sorry, but we need to break up.I don’t follow celebtwits for RTs and product endorsements all day.”

So far, I have been inundated with reponses from his followers, most who actually agree with me.  Which makes me wonder, is it too harsh to knock down a celebrity for something I get for free, without any contract or expectance of what I’m going to get out of it?  

I have had about as many hits on this blog in the past hour as I have had all time.  And I haven’t updated in over a month.  And before that it was spotty at best.  I have been thinking lately that it’s time to get back on the horse, I guess this was the boot in the ass I needed.  

Twitterati, if you’re reading this, add my RSS feed to your iGoogle, I’ll try and mildly entertain more frequently.

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