Feb 12

Just In Time For Valentine’s Day: Something For the Ladies


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General.
Tags: , ,

Hey ladies, listen up: Pot bellies are IN!

I know that this is old news for those in NYC, but it takes a while for fashion news to make it to us here in the Midwest.  Luckily, I have been preparing for this trend for a while now.  All my hard work paid off – I am going to be a GOD among men.  Or, at least the skinny/fit ones.  What a bunch of suckers, putting in all that hard work and not drinking tasty beer, unlike me.  I have never been at the forefront of fashion until today.

Ok, enough writing for me.  I need to go find me a nice big steak and a pitcher of beer.  One at a time, ladies, one at a time!

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Jan 11

Everyone should laugh like this once a day


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General.

Sometimes when I am bored or depressed or down in the dumps, I like to play this video.  It makes me laugh every time I watch it.  I have never seen a baby belly-laugh like this in real life.  The dog looks like he’s lovin it too, he’s getting a belly full of popcorn!

YouTube Preview Image

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Sep 21

Huckabee just won’t go away


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, WTF is wrong with people?.

Mike Huckabee apparently is the “favorite among religious conservatives” for another presidential run in 2012.  Seriously?  Why won’t this man go away already?  Have we not figured out that the last thing we need in this country is a religious zealot of any kind at the helm?  And why don’t we just try and tell all those Jeebus-freaks that he already was President?  We can then show them some episodes of Season 4’s 24 and pass it off as a documentary:

Me: “See, Huckabee has already been president!  Watch this documentary proving it.”

Wacko: “But I know I would have remembered this”

Me: “I think you were on a secret mission from God during that time, and He erased all memory of it”

Wacko: “ohhhh….” [puzzled look]

Which is which? YOU DON'T KNOW!

Which is which? YOU DON'T KNOW!

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Sep 21

I’m so fly…


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General.

I bought my first-ever pair of button-fly pants this weekend. How exactly it is that I made it through the late 80’s and the 90’s without ever owning a pair, I have no idea. I am also oddly nervous about this. What happens if I take too long at the urinal, fumbling around with my fly while the person next to me wonders exactly what the hell it is I am doing, and if they shouldn’t leave immediately?

Two posts in a row that mention urinals. Maybe I have some kind of unhealthy obsession with them? Do I mention the 5 or 6 inch long pubic hair that I saw on one last week that is still haunting me? Ooops, looks like I just did. Maybe more on that later…

ergo-painter-pants-zipper

!!!

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Sep 09

Who designs public bathrooms?


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, Rants, WTF is wrong with people?.

…or at least, MEN’s public bathrooms?  The only answer that makes any sense to me is “a woman”.  Or maybe one of those creepy dudes who likes to talk to you while you are in the bathroom.  I say this because the urinal layout is always not very well thought out, to the point where men seem to be invited to violate one of the basic “man laws”.

Case in point: the bathroom at my office.  We occupy a fairly large space, and therefore have a bathroom that is fairly generous in size: three urinals and two stalls.  My beef is with the urinals in particular.  They are lined up against one wall, two that are normal height, and one that is a “shorty”, the latter I guess being for the children that we hire to slave away in one of our many sweatshops. (Note: a joke, in case any of our HR people are reading this)  The shorty is positioned at the left end of the wall, followed by the two normal ones.  Most of the time, this is not an issue, since rarely is there more than one person using them at a time.  But when there happens to be that occasion when there are two, the second person is put in a predicament: a) take the regular height one, breaking the man law that you always keep at least one urinal between you and your neighbor or b) take the shorty and risk making a mess, or feeling ridiculous for using what can be described as the “kiddie table” of the bathroom world.  Sadly, the only real option here is choice “b”, since choice “a” is only allowed in very few situations, most notably concerts and sports venues.

Why is the shorty not positioned in the middle?  If I were designing bathrooms, this would be a no-brainer.  Yet I have seen this layout more often than not in countless bathrooms everywhere. If I ruled the world…

For those creepy guys mentioned earlier, do us all a favor and read up on men’s bathroom etiquitte (note #11 in particular).

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Aug 16

Why has it taken me 34 years to do this?


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, NHRA, Praise, family.
Tags: , ,

I’m sure that people who follow me on Twitter and Facebook already are well aware of this, but I’m posting it here ’cause I want to remember my feelings later on when I ego search myself and read my old posts.  (BTW, for those that are reading this on Facebook, do me a favor and click here to read the rest of this – my blog looks better and has pretty pictures you can look at..  :) )

Anyway, today, after 34 years of being an auto racing fan, following everything from F1 to WRC, I attended my first NHRA drag racing event.  Lori was away for the weekend, and the Lucas Oil Nationals were being held in Brainerd, MN, only a 2 hour drive from here.  As an added bonus, Lori got me tickets through her job, so the only thing I had to spend on it was gas money.  For about 30 bucks, this was a no-brainer for me.

I have been saying for years that I needed to get over to one of these, but never went, even when I had a venue in my backyard in NH.  And I am SO glad I did.  It’s hard to put into words what being at the event is like.  Tuning in on TV doesn’t do it any justice.  That is mostly true for any racing venue, but this is extra-true for NHRA.

I got to the track early, since Lori’s tickets included a pit pass and VIP tickets to the Fram/U.S. Army tent, and I wanted to soak it all in before actually watching some racing.  A few random thoughts and observations from the day:

  • NHRA does a GREAT job giving the fans the opportunity to really get full-access to the total experience.  I stepped onto pit road and was immediately surprised to see that spectators are allowed to go just about anywhere.  From watching the crews work on the cars, to the listening to the roar of engine-testing right up close, to the drivers and crew wandering the pits and signing autographs, there is virtually nothing that you aren’t allowed to see or do.
  • The wrench-head in me loves a good, loud, horsepower-laden motor.  A few feet into the pits, a crew fired one up and started revving it.  I am not going to lie when I say that it was so loud it scared the beejesus out of me.  There’s loud, then there’s 8000 horsepower loud.  Like nothing I have ever heard before, and probably never ever will again.  It’s pretty scary, and this was only a little “vroom-vroom”.  Little did I know at the time, this was nothing compared to what the on-track experience is like.
  • A tip for anyone that ever goes to a race: when wandering the pit lane, if you see a bunch of crew members start up an engine, then don full-face gas masks, don’t stand anywhere near the exhaust.  These cars burn nitrous for fuel, and when it comes out the pipes, it’s a little, um, caustic.  I quickly realized that I couldn’t breathe due to the intense burning in my mouth, nose, and throat.  Trying to quickly leave an area is pretty difficult too when your eyes are burning and watering so bad you cannot see.  Oddly enough, I was more excited about this than I should have been.  When I’m 85, and I wonder why I am not going to live to see 86, I will look back to this day and wonder.
  • It has been super-dry in Minnesota this summer, with only a couple of inches of rain in like 3 months.  Of course, since I decided to do something today where rain cripples all activities, it poured all morning.  This was the perfect time to check out the VIP tent, I figured.  Once in the tent, I was pleasantly surprised to see that on either side I was flanked by two actual racecars, to the right was Cory Mac’s Top Fuel dragster, to the left was 6-time world champ (1999,2004,2005,2006,2007,2008) Tony Schmacher’s.  Topping it off, the crews were assembling a bunch of parts on them, and I was allowed to watch from about 4 feet away.  I was channeling Tim Allen in my head with the man-grunts.
  • At 11, it was clear they were not going to start the racing anytime soon.  So, they brought out the two drivers to talk to the small crowd of about 20 people that had VIP tickets.  We all got to ask them questions, shoot the bull, etc.  Unfettered access to world-class drivers is truly the best medicine for a rain delay.  And as everyone who has talked to any driver from any racing class knows, they really are the best story-tellers.  I mean, who else can tell you “this one time when I flipped my dragster at 330MPH, I got hit by the other car, breaking my car into 20 pieces, broke both my legs, then got into the helicopter, which came 10 feet from crashing into power lines when we took off…” and then laugh their asses off?
  • Come 12PM, it was time for lunch.  The menu?  Filet Mignon with all the fixins.  And I mean *good* filet, not that rubbery crap you’d expect.  And to top it all off, Tony Schumacher himself joined our table for lunch.  Everyone gets to talk to him, ask more questions, whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t involve autograph requests or pictures.  I asked about the first time he drove an 8000 HP car at 330+.  He basically said he was “scared shitless”.  This was another in a line of awesome, awe-inspiring things I got to see today.  Not every day you get to lunch with the guy who has won 6 world championships in the past ten years, and on track to win the 7th.
  • Finally, belly full, my PGA fix satisfied (there were two 60 inch plasmas broadcasting the Hazeltine event in the tent), it was time to race.  I was somewhat disappointed in the seating.  We were about 50 yards or so from the start line.  I thought, based on everything else I saw, we’d be truly trackside.  After I saw the first top-fuel run, I saw that I was PLENTY close.  And even thought we were maybe too close.
  • I’ll try to explain an entire run.  First, the cars fire up (they are pushed/pulled to the line powerless).  That is loud.  Then they drive over some water sprayed down to get the tires wet for the burnout.  Then they go about half throttle and “burn” the tires to get them nice and hot and sticky for the run.  That is extremely loud, prompting me to reach for the free earplugs (something I have never used at a racing event).  It hurt my eardrums – literally.  They then back up and “stage”, meaning they pull up as close to the line as possible.  Then the really good stuff happens.  To call the launch off the starting line “explosive” is not doing it any justice whatsoever.  I read somewhere the description of a top fuel run as “feeling as though the entire drag strip is being bombed”.  That’s probably the best description.  There is lots of fire, a shit-ton of noise (120DB, louder than a Boeing 747 jet airliner at take-off power), and the cars leave the line so fast they are quite literally a vibrating blur.  It’s almost surreal.  The aluminum stands vibrate like an earthquake, your insides vibrate, and your eyeballs struggle to focus on what you are seeing – 16,000+ horsepower being unleashed all at once.  And then, in under 4 seconds, it’s all over.  The adrenaline rush is just insane.  You cannot wait for the next pair to start it all over again.
  • I wondered why no one was trying to take pictures after I picked my jaw up from under the stands.  I pulled out my fancy new camera, figuring I could get a shot or two of them launching off the start.  Talk about your exercise in futility.  Every shot I got was too early or too late.  My reaction time was no match for these guys.

All in all, this was an eye-opening experience that I am so glad to have been a part of.  I highly encourage anyone who has the opportunity to go and check it out. Even if you are not a fan of racing, it’s just something that you need to do at least once.  I have boatloads more respect to every one of those drivers who I used to laugh at for “just driving in a straight line”.  To my New England friends, get a ticket to the Epping Dragway the next time these guys come around.  Send me the bill if you are disappointed.

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Aug 09

When exactly did I get old?


Posted: under Fun Stuff, PGA.
Tags: , ,

So I’m sitting here on a Sunday, completely enthralled at watching the PGA event at Firestone.  Lately I have really been getting into golf, watching and following all the events.  I’ve even bought a ticket to go to the PGA Championship next week at Hazeltine, a golf course about 35 miles from me.  I cannot wait to go.

I wonder when exactly the point was when I got old enough that enjoy this sport so much?  I used to make fun of people who watched and followed the PGA.  Watching golf was something that I never understood – I thought it was boring, slow-paced, and annoying.  Now, I can’t get enough.  Go figure.

Couple that with my new habit of waking up at 4:45AM, going for a long walk with the dog, and getting to work at 6:30.  There was a time when 4:45 was a time I was finishing the last beer of the night and going to bed. No one, including myself, could have predicted this behavior.

And I kind of enjoy it…

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Apr 09

Thanks, Rainn!


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, Praise, Rants.
Tags: , ,

I have been kicked squarely in the balls.  And it is forcing me to rethink this blog and my lack of involvement in it.

Let me explain a little.  Those that read this blog regularly (thanks Mom!) may or may not know that I am on Twitter, a kind of mini-blogging social network app that allows you to blurt out random crap via your mobile phone, computer, typewriter, fax, and morse code.   (Ok, maybe not that last one, but I’m sticking with at least the first two).  People who “follow” you can read whatever you decide to write.  If you’re funny/interesting enough, you gain followers like the Pied Piper.  If you are boring enough, they will stop following you shortly after they start following.   I usually fall somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.

Celebrities, on the other hand, get hundreds of thousands of dedicated followers. Most of us follow like sheep, just loving the fact that we get to peer ever so slightly into their personal life.  The results are sometimes disappointing when we find out that they are just as boring as us, but with more money.  

Today, I had had enough of Rainn Wilson (“Dwight” from The Office)’s repeated re-tweets and constant product pitches, and told him so by Tweeting

“@rainnwilson I’m sorry, but we need to break up. I don’t follow celebtwits for RT’s and product endorsements all day. GL in The Office, tho!

The response from Rainn:

“Check out Rays blog! RT @raychampagne Im sorry, but we need to break up.I don’t follow celebtwits for RTs and product endorsements all day.”

So far, I have been inundated with reponses from his followers, most who actually agree with me.  Which makes me wonder, is it too harsh to knock down a celebrity for something I get for free, without any contract or expectance of what I’m going to get out of it?  

I have had about as many hits on this blog in the past hour as I have had all time.  And I haven’t updated in over a month.  And before that it was spotty at best.  I have been thinking lately that it’s time to get back on the horse, I guess this was the boot in the ass I needed.  

Twitterati, if you’re reading this, add my RSS feed to your iGoogle, I’ll try and mildly entertain more frequently.

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Mar 06

Someone give this dog a helmet!


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, Libby.

I swear, this is the funniest video of a dog sleeping that I have ever seen.  It also might be the fastest youtube clip to circle the ‘net in quite some time.  Libby “runs” in her sleep, but this dog takes it to a whole ‘nother level!

Please enable Javascript and Flash to view this Flash video.

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Feb 25

Skiing…finally.


Posted: under Fun Stuff, General, Praise.
Tags: , , ,

After 2 years of not being able to go skiing, like I had been used to doing a lot when living in New England, I finally got to scratch the itch again this weekend by visiting the biggest ski resort in Minnesota, Lutsen Mountain.  It was a great feeling to get back on the planks and do a little shusshing down a mountain again.

Lutsen Mountain is a resort about 4 hours north of the Twin Cities, located right on the banks of Lake Superior in Northern Minnesota.  Driving up was a little weird, scenery-wise, comparing to what I was used to.  When driving to a ski resort in New England, you are accustomed to maneuvering windy hills on your way to a mountain-fun-filled weekend.  In Minnesota, you pass many, many fields of last year’s corn and wheat, then find yourself in a vast wilderness of trees and hills on your left, with an ocean-like Lake Superior on your right.  Then, all of a sudden, there is an entrance to a Midwest skiing mecca that pops up.  No mountain views leading up to that point, just trees and deer and a lot of supporting cast in the form of lodges and restaurants.  At this point, I had very little hope of what this long trek had promised in the brochures.

We settled in to our ski-in, ski-out condo on Friday night, under the darkness, me with little hope of finding a great ski hill, and with Lori totally excited about the full hour of foot massage goodness she was scheduled to get the next day.  One thing about foot massages is that it doesn’t take mother nature to form a backdrop to make it blissful.  At least one of us was not feeling cautiously optimistic.

Fast forward to Saturday.  I bought my lift ticket and hit the slopes, iPod in hand.  My first ride up the lift was truly awesome.  Looking over my shoulder, I saw something that I never thought possible, having skied in New England (and once in CO) my whole life.  My view was filled with trees and snowy slopes, followed by a backdrop of a huge, expansive, ocean-like blue of Lake Superior.  As far as I could see, I saw water and ice.  It was amazing to see that kind of scenery.  I was in awe almost all day long.  I took pictures and videos until the batteries ran out in the camera.  It was just way too cool.

My reviews of the mountain itself are somewhat mixed.  The terrain was pretty good, but the length of the runs were disappointing, considering the amount of time it took to get up.  The lifts were very antiquated and slow, but the feeling of being “home” outweighed any real complaints that I had of them.  Plus, I have been out of the game for 2 years, so the recovery time between runs was welcome.  I actually found some great tree runs on the vastly unused side of the mountain, which were a godsend to someone like me, who likes to run in the trees, but doesn’t possess the ability to do trees + steeps.  The snow was soft in the interior, mostly unused, and very peaceful.  I saw only one other person in there, and that was a ski patrol guy who skied with me and shared a dearth of knowledge of wildlife that I found fascinating.

Lastly, speaking of wildlife, I have to mention the deer.  From Duluth forward, we were both amazed at both the population of and the tameness of the deer.  They were literally everywhere, in people’s driveways, yards, the road, and side of the road.  When you stopped to take pictures of them, they hardly even noticed.  We even ate at a general store/diner for breakfast, and they were just hanging out, looking for food.  For two people who are used to only seeing deer as they flee your headlights, that was really cool.  Lori was counting, and she saw at least 48 deer within 48 hours.

All in all, it was a great long weekend getaway, and for a 4 hour car ride, both Lori and I found it well worth the trip.  It was just what was needed to stave off the toils of the day-to-day life for a little while.  Libby and Eddie even had what seemed to be a great time, given the snoring away that both of them are doing right next to me right now.

Anyway, check out my Facebook page and my Flickr page to see some shots of the weekend.

Maybe I’ll get my Dad out here yet…

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